UK. Aphthous Fever. Bah.

The bloody brits... What will they chain-letter next :)

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Department of Health
Minister for Health
Victoria Quay
Walsgrave Hospital
Coventry

COVENTRY, July 23, 2008

IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PHYSICIANS AND NURSES

CONFIDENTIAL
Subject : New contamination possible in most Towns

Recent studies conducted on "aphthous fever" (for which we have just received conclusive results) indicate that in certain cases this can be transmitted to humans. We foresee a possible contamination in most Health Board areas. Cases have been reported in Norwich, Stevenage, York, Birmingham, Barrow-in-Furness, and more recently in Leicester, Durham and Nottingham.

It was observed that the subjects examined were regular consumers of wine and spirits. Most (97.6%) of the subjects would encounter serious problems with their vision when having gone without alcohol for 1 to 2 days on average.

Extended periods without alcohol would seriously affect the individuals reading capabilities. The subjects would also feel a trembling sensation. In extreme cases, individuals would start to hallucinate and see coloured specks when staring at an object for extended periods.

If you encounter any such patients having these symptoms, please contact the Crisis Centre in Coventry immediately.

Our research to date has resulted in a cure, consumption of alcohol every day for 3 months!!!

He drank so much - his liver split in half!

Spotted on Digg recently...

A young father who drank up to 15 bottles of wine a day died of cirrhosis so bad his liver had split in half, his family revealed yesterday.

Steven Massey, described as a 'Jack the lad', would drink his favourite Cassini sparkling perry 'just like he was drinking pop'.

The 21-year-old's death has devastated his parents and four older siblings, who hope his story will send out a shocking message about the perils of boozing.

I CANNOT believe that a 21-year-old could drink themselves to death!? Where the hell were the parents? Don't you think it's disgusting that you get first world countries where people are dying from social diseases.

Then I read a little further on, and this kiddie, Steven Massey, already has THREE CHILDREN! I ask again, where were the parents with the sex education (or at least a fuckin condom!). Bloody hell.

Split in half is fairly melo-dramatic. I guess it was so fragile, it just kinda fell apart. Lovely.

SA DOC's THOUGHT OF THE DAY: Social disorders are the hardest thing to deal with in society. You can't stop people drinking, having sex or taking drugs by reprimanding them. It takes a mindset shift. It takes a social change. And I hope to God first world countries out there (especially the ones who have a superiority complex over us third worlders) are doing something to fix this shit. Ahem. England.

Sorry about the anger, but I thought we only joked about towns where there was nothing to do except drink and have sex?